I lost in fifteen seconds. The conversation in my head took minutes.

I lost in fifteen seconds. The conversation in my head took minutes.

During a practice match at the dojo, I noticed that my opponent was a little shorter than me. I thought this would be easy.

At the start of the match, he unexpectedly closed the distance. I quickly made my first cut. I hoped to create space and try to strike him, but the strike was deflected by him.

After the two of us had separated for a while, I launched another strike. Unfortunately, it was deflected by him again.

But I thought this time I could finally create some distance, giving me some breathing room. However, the instant I had this thought, I clearly felt a blow to my head. The opponent attacked with great speed. I lost.

The entire match lasted under 15 seconds, but the conversation I had with myself felt like several minutes. The opponent seemed to set the pace of the entire match.

Looking back, I realize I had too many thoughts that I shouldn’t have had. They ranged from underestimating my opponent at the start, to passivity in the middle, to letting my guard down at the end, along with all the talking in my head throughout the match.

He was truly impressive, and my mindset left me with absolutely no reason to win.

When walking on the street, I often find myself judging strangers by their appearance without even realizing it. I start guessing what kind of person they are at first glance. I didn’t notice I had developed this negative mindset of underestimation.

Maybe it comes from school and now from work. For a long time, I waited for a teacher to tell me what to learn, or for a manager to hand me a task. That habit of waiting left me unalert to a lot of things, and it turned into letting my guard down.

Maybe those few seconds just compressed the thoughts that show up in my daily life. Underestimating people, waiting to be told, letting my guard down, and putting my attention where it shouldn’t be.

I’m grateful to my opponent for letting me notice all of this. I think those shifts in my head on the court come from habits I already have off it. That’s why the conversation happened at all.

If I want this to change, practicing harder won’t be enough. I have to start with how I think on an ordinary day.